Trail Mix.

I'm going to admit it, and you aren't going to judge.

This Christmas break in Dickinson, I was at a bar or around alcohol every night except December 26 and January 3. That is December 21 to January 2. Ridic. I didn't drink every night. In fact, I dd'd quite often. Which is probably for the best. Dickinson has an entire 2 smoke-free bars, which obviously are my favorite. One of these bars is brand new: The Evil Olive.

I had yet to go there, but was very excited about it. Reading about it in Dickinson's award-winning newspaper, it sounded like a new, mod place to hang out. I was very excited about this. What I failed to remember was that The Evil Olive was just the new name for The Queen City Club. Now, the Queen City Club was the trashiest bar in town. The regular clientele was...interesting at best. What makes for a fun bar is that the regulars of the Queen didn't stop coming to their haunt just because it got a new name and became smoke free. Oh no. And they also gained a whole new crowd of people because of the bar's smoke-free status. What we now have, as Troy so eloquently described the patrons of this bar, is trail mix.

Yes. You read that correctly. Trail mix. Just think about it.

Nuts. This should be obvious, seeing that it used to be the Queen City Club. These people are some of the more quirky frequenters. These people dress their best for their favorite bar. Some of the fashion seen at the Olive over the weekend included a man wearing a cutoff button up shirt and sweatpants. He was handsome. Never mind that it was -30. Never mind that cutoff button ups never really were in style. There is also these two women we'll call The Fab Forties. They brought their significant others (both who have have long curly mullets) and just want to dance. So they continue to shimmy around til both guys decide they better get up or get out.

Raisins. Nobody really likes the raisins but they have been around for so long, it would just wouldn't be the same without them. These include the gypsy woman. She is tall, really wrinkly, and the most racist woman you will ever meet. I usually don't make judgments about heritage, but this women told me how delicate her gypsy skin was as she bought all of the bras at a rummage sale. She then proceeded to make horribly racist remarks about both black and hispanic people. Lovely. Another raisin was an old man. He wore suspenders and was in attendance both nights that we were there. In fact, he was invited for a guest appearance with the band. I still haven't decided if it was a cruel joke or not.

M&Ms.There is never enough M&M's in the mix and there weren't enough of these people either. A cute little Asian woman wearing a little pink beanie goes around and plays black jack at all the bars with tables. She usually gets lucky and is really fun to give thumbs up signs to when she seems to be doing well (obviously you have no idea...you just like the pink beanie). There is also Iggy Weigel. Local celebrity. Can I tell you what he does? Not a clue. But do I know him when I see him? You bet. Let me tell you, he does a mean dance when he throws darts.

Pretzels. You know the part of the trail mix that you look at and wonder, "Why are you here?!" Yup. That was guy who works blackjack that I met on New Year's. He was grumpy to many people and then insulted my best friend. To his credit, he was probably just pissed about working New Year's. He sure made up for it the next day, however. He did a lot of shouting in a very uncrowded bar. Completely unnecessary. Much like the pretzels.

But the best stuff happens when all these people collide. The little suspendered old man got not one but TWO lap dances each night he was at the bar. The text sent out to people not fortunate enough to be at the bar read "There is an old man with no teeth getting a lap dance from a lady half his age and twice his size." (See? When nuts and raisins collide!) If that doesn't get on texts from last night, nothing ever will.

I think I need to just stick to popcorn.