I consider myself somewhat of a level-headed person. I mean, sure, there was the time I thought I was getting arrested when a house party got busted (by 'house party' I mean there was 5 of us there and only 2 people were drinking. I was not one of them). And the time we thought Christa was missing, so we organized a search party at 3 in the morning, spanning several city blocks. Only to find out she went for a walk with a friend.
I also love scary movies. So when Paranormal Activity 2 came out, I wanted to see it. I got Lindsay to go with me, and when it was over, we both agreed that it was definitely not the scariest movie ever. While still a little spooked, I went to bed that night with little problems. In fact, nothing started until the next night, when I was driving home from clinicals and I get a text from Christa asking if our camel statue (please don't ask...just accept that we had a camel statue and move on) had been murdered before or after I left for clinical.
Yup. He was laying on our living room floor, with his head shattered. Now, you might or might not know, the apartments we live in, we have aptly named "The Projects." I was actually more convinced that one of the felons we live with had somehow gained access to our apartment. Because there was literally no way Claude (yeah. he has a name, too...) could have fallen off the table on his own. We have no pets, the windows weren't open, and it wasn't against a wall facing a neighbor.
So whatever. I'm now a little frightened. But it's been quiet-ish for two days. And Troy had come to stay for the weekend, which made me feel a lot better. He went up to Grand Forks on Saturday, so I spent the evening keeping Linds company while she was sick, and then visiting Gongoll. When we got back to our apartment, Christa's clothes bar in her closet had fallen down. But the interesting part was how it looked like it had been taken out of the wall, and not just bending from too many clothes. I freaked out. I wanted to go stay anywhere else. But Christa said she was going to bed, and I couldn't be bested (I also didn't want her to get possessed while I was gone. I had seen Paranormal Activity).
Troy came back the next night. I was feeling a little braver since I had lived the night before. But just as we were all in our own respective rooms, I heard a loud crash in Christa's room again. A picture had fallen off her wall. I lost said bravery and slept with Troy in the living room. Funny how quickly that happens, isn't it. Since then, I've seen the dishwasher turn on by itself. Twice. Which is quite the feat, since you have to turn a dial for it to go. At least our ghost is being helpful, right?
I won't sleep in my apartment alone. Luckily I haven't really had to. I was going to try to one night...but didn't. I'm not really sure what I'm afraid of. I don't believe in ghosts (which makes this whole blog somewhat of an oxymoron). But I also know the ex-con down the hallway certainly isn't coming in here to be "helpful." I've emailed friends at 3 in the morning when I was too scared to sleep. And felt really dumb in the morning when all I had to say was, "Well, I lived the night."
When Christa talked to our landlord, she mentioned it in passing, thinking it was funny. He got super nervous, clammed up, and didn't wanna talk about it. Which means one of two things. Either someone else has had this problem in the past, or someone died in our apartment. Or, I guess, maybe Jeffy-kins the landlord is just a little afraid of ghosts.
I'll keep you updated. At the very least, maybe he can at least still help clean our apartment.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
What I've been up to. Again.
Hey ladies and gents...long time no speak. Life has been a little hectic, and as usual, I haven't updated in a while. I'll try to do it a little more regularly. But not making any promises, since I'm usually not good at it. Enjoy it while you get it. :)
Nursing School. I think I might be able to write a best-seller about my experiences of learning how to be a nurse. My class has been pushed and pushed for 4 years now. And things are finally slowing down, leaving us sort of unsure as to how we should fill our time (Most of us...some of us still seem to find plenty to do by overstudying for lecture and freaking out on everyone we know), now that we aren't drowning in care plans. So if I awkwardly have nothing to do, take pity on me, help me out, and remind me how to hang out with people again. I literally seem to have forgotten.
Graduation. I don't know what I'm going to do, come graduation. I have ideas, but there's nothing for sure and I'm petrified. So, on these random nights when I'm rescued from having nothing to do, just don't bring up graduation, me moving, or say the words 'cap and gown' in the same sentence. It also reminds me of taking the NCLEX, the nursing boards, which I seem to have already developed a strong aversion to. Good. I'm just as nutty as everyone else.
Weddings! A heading in my last one, two of my very good friends have gotten engaged since June. Chel and Kristy. And, per usual, I'm super excited about going to their weddings. I love that my friends have found love and it's an exciting time. Plus, there's just something special about drinking a little too much and interpretive dancing to whatever the DJ is playing that is too much fun to be missed. On a related note, I probably should apologize to Courtney. You're going to have that reception video forever.
Theta Retreat. Also a heading in the last one. But we had the Theta Retreat this weekend. It was super relaxing. We spent Friday night in the hot tubs. And then when the hot tubs closed, we filled up the jacuzzi in the hotel room and hopped in that. Saturday was a low key day, but it was worth it. I got a little homework done, I volunteered with a 5 mile race which required me to try and sell stuff for a running club (obviously I'm not the most credible source), as well as scream at runners in freezing cold weather. Never again. But it was chillax and fun.
Thanksgiving. I haven't been home since Courtney's wedding in early August. So I'm actually looking forward to going. Weather permitting, of course. Originally I thought I had clinical til 10 on Wednesday, meaning if the weather was good, I could leave the morning of Thanksgiving. So I was going to pick up at work, in case weather WAS bad, and I could at least spend the holidays with people, even if those people were patients. But it worked out quite nicely that we got them cancelled and now I can leave Wednesday like a normal person. Truly a lot to be thankful for.
Ghostie. So my apartment is haunted. Yes, literally. We've had things get smashed when no one is home, things fall off the wall, and my personal favorite, the dishwasher has started on its own. Twice. At first I was petrified (and sometimes I still am), but it's kind of growing on me. As long as he is a helpful poltergeist and doesn't drag me out of my bed by my feet, I think we can co-exist. Maybe. This is probably worth its own blog.
Well, my friends, that's what I've been doing. I'll try to keep it updated regularly, but again, no promises. Have a good thanksgiving!
Nursing School. I think I might be able to write a best-seller about my experiences of learning how to be a nurse. My class has been pushed and pushed for 4 years now. And things are finally slowing down, leaving us sort of unsure as to how we should fill our time (Most of us...some of us still seem to find plenty to do by overstudying for lecture and freaking out on everyone we know), now that we aren't drowning in care plans. So if I awkwardly have nothing to do, take pity on me, help me out, and remind me how to hang out with people again. I literally seem to have forgotten.
Graduation. I don't know what I'm going to do, come graduation. I have ideas, but there's nothing for sure and I'm petrified. So, on these random nights when I'm rescued from having nothing to do, just don't bring up graduation, me moving, or say the words 'cap and gown' in the same sentence. It also reminds me of taking the NCLEX, the nursing boards, which I seem to have already developed a strong aversion to. Good. I'm just as nutty as everyone else.
Weddings! A heading in my last one, two of my very good friends have gotten engaged since June. Chel and Kristy. And, per usual, I'm super excited about going to their weddings. I love that my friends have found love and it's an exciting time. Plus, there's just something special about drinking a little too much and interpretive dancing to whatever the DJ is playing that is too much fun to be missed. On a related note, I probably should apologize to Courtney. You're going to have that reception video forever.
Theta Retreat. Also a heading in the last one. But we had the Theta Retreat this weekend. It was super relaxing. We spent Friday night in the hot tubs. And then when the hot tubs closed, we filled up the jacuzzi in the hotel room and hopped in that. Saturday was a low key day, but it was worth it. I got a little homework done, I volunteered with a 5 mile race which required me to try and sell stuff for a running club (obviously I'm not the most credible source), as well as scream at runners in freezing cold weather. Never again. But it was chillax and fun.
Thanksgiving. I haven't been home since Courtney's wedding in early August. So I'm actually looking forward to going. Weather permitting, of course. Originally I thought I had clinical til 10 on Wednesday, meaning if the weather was good, I could leave the morning of Thanksgiving. So I was going to pick up at work, in case weather WAS bad, and I could at least spend the holidays with people, even if those people were patients. But it worked out quite nicely that we got them cancelled and now I can leave Wednesday like a normal person. Truly a lot to be thankful for.
Ghostie. So my apartment is haunted. Yes, literally. We've had things get smashed when no one is home, things fall off the wall, and my personal favorite, the dishwasher has started on its own. Twice. At first I was petrified (and sometimes I still am), but it's kind of growing on me. As long as he is a helpful poltergeist and doesn't drag me out of my bed by my feet, I think we can co-exist. Maybe. This is probably worth its own blog.
Well, my friends, that's what I've been doing. I'll try to keep it updated regularly, but again, no promises. Have a good thanksgiving!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
My Super Shameless Sixteen.
I have a love-hate relationship with MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen.
At first when it came on, I remember being amused at the lengths parents were willing to go to make sure their child had the best party in town. As if there was any sort of competition. I don't know a whole bunch of people who have thousands of dollars to throw away on one night. But whatever. It's love right? But as the seasons progressed, the parties became more outlandish. The sweet-sixteeners wanted to do something America had never seen before. Thus making it just outright ridiculous. But even with all the oddities, every show follows the same basic format.
It starts out with meeting the little brat (Boy or girl...boys are usually slightly more entertaining and slightly less nauseating). They brag about how turning 16 will change their life completely. Because, you know, now they can drive that fancy fleet of cars that Daddy has been keeping for just such an occasion. And each party has a theme. At first it was your typical theme, like Greek Goddess. Or Pink. But they got a little weirder. Like Barbie In Vegas, Christmas in July, and Skateboard. I'm waiting for the day when we get to "Hotel Bathroom," "The Swamp" and "Crazy Uncle Vic's Prison Cell."
Then usually they send out inviations. But since facebook is so last week and paper is far too cheap, they usually give out some kind of trinket that shamelessly promotes themselves in some way. Like a CD of them singing. Or a deck of cards with their latest photo shoot. As the seasons pass, again, running out of ideas. One girl solicited Emanuel Lewis to go with her. One girl rented an ice cream truck. She didn't actually give out ice cream, but necklaces. I would just be horribly, horribly disappointed. It's like putting your money in the pop machine for cherry coke zero and getting a bottled water when you need to stay up all night. Not the same.
Then, because they don't have any REAL friends, they have to hold auditions for somebody who will escort them to their party, and actually pay them to do so. So after making them lose some of their clothes and most of their dignity, they pick someone, acting of course like it is such an honor to be able to ride in a pink limo, walk down a red carpet, or come galloping in on an elephant with them. They also usually have a VIP group, about 4 girls who worship the ground that they walk on, in exchange for the ability to dance on the stage for about 5 minutes. Some girls go as far to buy their VIP group dresses, since obviously they couldn't be trusted to dress themselves.
Then they have to find something for themselves to wear. Their parents usually take them to outlandish places so they can find something that nobody else has (because, heaven forbid you wear the same color as a commoner). So Mommy Dearest goes with, makes a big production about not wanting to spend so much money on a dress, and then ends up buying them three, because you just can't wear ONE dress for a WHOLE night. Again, some girls are a little more eclectic. For $70, you can purchase a pair of Nike sneakers...for $700, they will add a little extra paint on one side. Because then nobody else has a pair like these.
Before going home for the day, they go look at an expensive mode of transportation. Well, except one girl. Who just wanted a custom-made bike. And told her parents that if she didn't get it, her entire life up to this point would have been a lie. Obviously. Again, Mommy and Daddy say no to whatever they like. And as always, at the party, Mommy and Daddy have a surprise for them. They act shocked, like they don't see it coming. And then they get whatever they asked for. Like the customized bike overnighted for $1000. And also a range rover, because the bike was cheap.
Usually something goes wrong at the party. Somebody sneaks in, or tips over the cake, or Mom and Dad pretend they didn't get a car, so there is always a temper tantrum. This is usually my favorite part, because I enjoy watching the parents get out of sorts becuase their little angel is suddenly unhappy on the biggest day of their lives. But the day is usually saved when some expensive band shows up and gives a concert. At the end, they flash a grand total of how much was spent on the parties. It's absolutely obscene for one night for one person.
But will I continue to watch it and hate it? Of course.
At first when it came on, I remember being amused at the lengths parents were willing to go to make sure their child had the best party in town. As if there was any sort of competition. I don't know a whole bunch of people who have thousands of dollars to throw away on one night. But whatever. It's love right? But as the seasons progressed, the parties became more outlandish. The sweet-sixteeners wanted to do something America had never seen before. Thus making it just outright ridiculous. But even with all the oddities, every show follows the same basic format.
It starts out with meeting the little brat (Boy or girl...boys are usually slightly more entertaining and slightly less nauseating). They brag about how turning 16 will change their life completely. Because, you know, now they can drive that fancy fleet of cars that Daddy has been keeping for just such an occasion. And each party has a theme. At first it was your typical theme, like Greek Goddess. Or Pink. But they got a little weirder. Like Barbie In Vegas, Christmas in July, and Skateboard. I'm waiting for the day when we get to "Hotel Bathroom," "The Swamp" and "Crazy Uncle Vic's Prison Cell."
Then usually they send out inviations. But since facebook is so last week and paper is far too cheap, they usually give out some kind of trinket that shamelessly promotes themselves in some way. Like a CD of them singing. Or a deck of cards with their latest photo shoot. As the seasons pass, again, running out of ideas. One girl solicited Emanuel Lewis to go with her. One girl rented an ice cream truck. She didn't actually give out ice cream, but necklaces. I would just be horribly, horribly disappointed. It's like putting your money in the pop machine for cherry coke zero and getting a bottled water when you need to stay up all night. Not the same.
Then, because they don't have any REAL friends, they have to hold auditions for somebody who will escort them to their party, and actually pay them to do so. So after making them lose some of their clothes and most of their dignity, they pick someone, acting of course like it is such an honor to be able to ride in a pink limo, walk down a red carpet, or come galloping in on an elephant with them. They also usually have a VIP group, about 4 girls who worship the ground that they walk on, in exchange for the ability to dance on the stage for about 5 minutes. Some girls go as far to buy their VIP group dresses, since obviously they couldn't be trusted to dress themselves.
Then they have to find something for themselves to wear. Their parents usually take them to outlandish places so they can find something that nobody else has (because, heaven forbid you wear the same color as a commoner). So Mommy Dearest goes with, makes a big production about not wanting to spend so much money on a dress, and then ends up buying them three, because you just can't wear ONE dress for a WHOLE night. Again, some girls are a little more eclectic. For $70, you can purchase a pair of Nike sneakers...for $700, they will add a little extra paint on one side. Because then nobody else has a pair like these.
Before going home for the day, they go look at an expensive mode of transportation. Well, except one girl. Who just wanted a custom-made bike. And told her parents that if she didn't get it, her entire life up to this point would have been a lie. Obviously. Again, Mommy and Daddy say no to whatever they like. And as always, at the party, Mommy and Daddy have a surprise for them. They act shocked, like they don't see it coming. And then they get whatever they asked for. Like the customized bike overnighted for $1000. And also a range rover, because the bike was cheap.
Usually something goes wrong at the party. Somebody sneaks in, or tips over the cake, or Mom and Dad pretend they didn't get a car, so there is always a temper tantrum. This is usually my favorite part, because I enjoy watching the parents get out of sorts becuase their little angel is suddenly unhappy on the biggest day of their lives. But the day is usually saved when some expensive band shows up and gives a concert. At the end, they flash a grand total of how much was spent on the parties. It's absolutely obscene for one night for one person.
But will I continue to watch it and hate it? Of course.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Sweet Summertime
Summer is here again. I haven't written a blog in oh-so-long, but I can probably catch you up pretty quickly. So. Presenting: What I'm Excited for This Summer in 10 Points or Less.
Nurse Co-op. This summer, I'm working as a co-op on the Surgical Inpatient floor. While it wasn't where I originally saw myself this summer, I now wouldn't trade anything about it for the entire world. I have learned so much in just over a week, thanks completley to my amazing preceptor, Lindsay. Linds has not only become my go-to resource for anything related to nursing, but what I would consider an older sister to be if I'd ever have one. Win.
Weddings! I secretly am a sappy person. I like when people get married. Which is obviously a bonus, since I have 4 of them this summer, with the final one culminating in me as a bridesmaid. I can send my friends off in style while doing any duties as a bridesmaid to drink what the bride can't, drink what the groom can't, and make sure no guests puke on the bride. I mean really? What else does a bridesmaid do? In all seriousness, I'm very blessed to get to do this for my friends.
Oh Canada... In Theta, I am the vice president in charge of recruitment. We have an exec retreat in July...in Canada! While this might not be thrilling to you, understand that I have never been anywhere outside the USA. So I'll take it. Especially because I'm going with 10 of the most fun people I know. Again, I think I'm coming out on top here.
Balcony-sitting. I'm one of those people who gets excited about everything. So this one is one of my smaller joys in life. My summer apartment has a double balcony. The other night, there was no wind, and so I wrapped myself in a blanket and watched the sunset. Beautiful. And then my evening tranquility was stomped on by the guys in the apartment below me, throwing birds' nests over their balcony. Which led to new creeping possibilities. Making me officially the world's creepiest neighbor.
Saturday Night Fever. I met Becky, my current roommate, at what we then called "MeritCare parties." We clicked instantly and now live together for the summer. Last summer, we spent many Saturdays at the VFW listening to live music and fending off creepy old men who want to swing dance. We then finish the night by rocking out at the OB. Unlike most people, I do not need alcohol to dance and make a fool out of myself (obviously it helps, but...). I spent my first Summer '10 Saturday doing just this last night. And then was placed on call this morning. Awesome.
G'day, Mate. My best friend has been quite the world traveler for the last year. While I was sort of afraid of doing everything alone, I think it went better than either of us expected. BUT that doesn't mean I'm not ecstatic about her homecoming in June. She's moving back to Fargo after the Fourth of July. But not like I'm counting down or anything (26 til she gets back in the states, 37 til she arrives in Fargo).
My Birfday.Haha. Because really, I'm a gangsta'. I'll be turning the big double deuce on June 28. I might work. Doesn't really bother me. Because I'll find some way to celebrate. Not even concerned.
I love my life.
Nurse Co-op. This summer, I'm working as a co-op on the Surgical Inpatient floor. While it wasn't where I originally saw myself this summer, I now wouldn't trade anything about it for the entire world. I have learned so much in just over a week, thanks completley to my amazing preceptor, Lindsay. Linds has not only become my go-to resource for anything related to nursing, but what I would consider an older sister to be if I'd ever have one. Win.
Weddings! I secretly am a sappy person. I like when people get married. Which is obviously a bonus, since I have 4 of them this summer, with the final one culminating in me as a bridesmaid. I can send my friends off in style while doing any duties as a bridesmaid to drink what the bride can't, drink what the groom can't, and make sure no guests puke on the bride. I mean really? What else does a bridesmaid do? In all seriousness, I'm very blessed to get to do this for my friends.
Oh Canada... In Theta, I am the vice president in charge of recruitment. We have an exec retreat in July...in Canada! While this might not be thrilling to you, understand that I have never been anywhere outside the USA. So I'll take it. Especially because I'm going with 10 of the most fun people I know. Again, I think I'm coming out on top here.
Balcony-sitting. I'm one of those people who gets excited about everything. So this one is one of my smaller joys in life. My summer apartment has a double balcony. The other night, there was no wind, and so I wrapped myself in a blanket and watched the sunset. Beautiful. And then my evening tranquility was stomped on by the guys in the apartment below me, throwing birds' nests over their balcony. Which led to new creeping possibilities. Making me officially the world's creepiest neighbor.
Saturday Night Fever. I met Becky, my current roommate, at what we then called "MeritCare parties." We clicked instantly and now live together for the summer. Last summer, we spent many Saturdays at the VFW listening to live music and fending off creepy old men who want to swing dance. We then finish the night by rocking out at the OB. Unlike most people, I do not need alcohol to dance and make a fool out of myself (obviously it helps, but...). I spent my first Summer '10 Saturday doing just this last night. And then was placed on call this morning. Awesome.
G'day, Mate. My best friend has been quite the world traveler for the last year. While I was sort of afraid of doing everything alone, I think it went better than either of us expected. BUT that doesn't mean I'm not ecstatic about her homecoming in June. She's moving back to Fargo after the Fourth of July. But not like I'm counting down or anything (26 til she gets back in the states, 37 til she arrives in Fargo).
My Birfday.Haha. Because really, I'm a gangsta'. I'll be turning the big double deuce on June 28. I might work. Doesn't really bother me. Because I'll find some way to celebrate. Not even concerned.
I love my life.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Trail Mix.
I'm going to admit it, and you aren't going to judge.
This Christmas break in Dickinson, I was at a bar or around alcohol every night except December 26 and January 3. That is December 21 to January 2. Ridic. I didn't drink every night. In fact, I dd'd quite often. Which is probably for the best. Dickinson has an entire 2 smoke-free bars, which obviously are my favorite. One of these bars is brand new: The Evil Olive.
I had yet to go there, but was very excited about it. Reading about it in Dickinson's award-winning newspaper, it sounded like a new, mod place to hang out. I was very excited about this. What I failed to remember was that The Evil Olive was just the new name for The Queen City Club. Now, the Queen City Club was the trashiest bar in town. The regular clientele was...interesting at best. What makes for a fun bar is that the regulars of the Queen didn't stop coming to their haunt just because it got a new name and became smoke free. Oh no. And they also gained a whole new crowd of people because of the bar's smoke-free status. What we now have, as Troy so eloquently described the patrons of this bar, is trail mix.
Yes. You read that correctly. Trail mix. Just think about it.
Nuts. This should be obvious, seeing that it used to be the Queen City Club. These people are some of the more quirky frequenters. These people dress their best for their favorite bar. Some of the fashion seen at the Olive over the weekend included a man wearing a cutoff button up shirt and sweatpants. He was handsome. Never mind that it was -30. Never mind that cutoff button ups never really were in style. There is also these two women we'll call The Fab Forties. They brought their significant others (both who have have long curly mullets) and just want to dance. So they continue to shimmy around til both guys decide they better get up or get out.
Raisins. Nobody really likes the raisins but they have been around for so long, it would just wouldn't be the same without them. These include the gypsy woman. She is tall, really wrinkly, and the most racist woman you will ever meet. I usually don't make judgments about heritage, but this women told me how delicate her gypsy skin was as she bought all of the bras at a rummage sale. She then proceeded to make horribly racist remarks about both black and hispanic people. Lovely. Another raisin was an old man. He wore suspenders and was in attendance both nights that we were there. In fact, he was invited for a guest appearance with the band. I still haven't decided if it was a cruel joke or not.
M&Ms.There is never enough M&M's in the mix and there weren't enough of these people either. A cute little Asian woman wearing a little pink beanie goes around and plays black jack at all the bars with tables. She usually gets lucky and is really fun to give thumbs up signs to when she seems to be doing well (obviously you have no idea...you just like the pink beanie). There is also Iggy Weigel. Local celebrity. Can I tell you what he does? Not a clue. But do I know him when I see him? You bet. Let me tell you, he does a mean dance when he throws darts.
Pretzels. You know the part of the trail mix that you look at and wonder, "Why are you here?!" Yup. That was guy who works blackjack that I met on New Year's. He was grumpy to many people and then insulted my best friend. To his credit, he was probably just pissed about working New Year's. He sure made up for it the next day, however. He did a lot of shouting in a very uncrowded bar. Completely unnecessary. Much like the pretzels.
But the best stuff happens when all these people collide. The little suspendered old man got not one but TWO lap dances each night he was at the bar. The text sent out to people not fortunate enough to be at the bar read "There is an old man with no teeth getting a lap dance from a lady half his age and twice his size." (See? When nuts and raisins collide!) If that doesn't get on texts from last night, nothing ever will.
I think I need to just stick to popcorn.
This Christmas break in Dickinson, I was at a bar or around alcohol every night except December 26 and January 3. That is December 21 to January 2. Ridic. I didn't drink every night. In fact, I dd'd quite often. Which is probably for the best. Dickinson has an entire 2 smoke-free bars, which obviously are my favorite. One of these bars is brand new: The Evil Olive.
I had yet to go there, but was very excited about it. Reading about it in Dickinson's award-winning newspaper, it sounded like a new, mod place to hang out. I was very excited about this. What I failed to remember was that The Evil Olive was just the new name for The Queen City Club. Now, the Queen City Club was the trashiest bar in town. The regular clientele was...interesting at best. What makes for a fun bar is that the regulars of the Queen didn't stop coming to their haunt just because it got a new name and became smoke free. Oh no. And they also gained a whole new crowd of people because of the bar's smoke-free status. What we now have, as Troy so eloquently described the patrons of this bar, is trail mix.
Yes. You read that correctly. Trail mix. Just think about it.
Nuts. This should be obvious, seeing that it used to be the Queen City Club. These people are some of the more quirky frequenters. These people dress their best for their favorite bar. Some of the fashion seen at the Olive over the weekend included a man wearing a cutoff button up shirt and sweatpants. He was handsome. Never mind that it was -30. Never mind that cutoff button ups never really were in style. There is also these two women we'll call The Fab Forties. They brought their significant others (both who have have long curly mullets) and just want to dance. So they continue to shimmy around til both guys decide they better get up or get out.
Raisins. Nobody really likes the raisins but they have been around for so long, it would just wouldn't be the same without them. These include the gypsy woman. She is tall, really wrinkly, and the most racist woman you will ever meet. I usually don't make judgments about heritage, but this women told me how delicate her gypsy skin was as she bought all of the bras at a rummage sale. She then proceeded to make horribly racist remarks about both black and hispanic people. Lovely. Another raisin was an old man. He wore suspenders and was in attendance both nights that we were there. In fact, he was invited for a guest appearance with the band. I still haven't decided if it was a cruel joke or not.
M&Ms.There is never enough M&M's in the mix and there weren't enough of these people either. A cute little Asian woman wearing a little pink beanie goes around and plays black jack at all the bars with tables. She usually gets lucky and is really fun to give thumbs up signs to when she seems to be doing well (obviously you have no idea...you just like the pink beanie). There is also Iggy Weigel. Local celebrity. Can I tell you what he does? Not a clue. But do I know him when I see him? You bet. Let me tell you, he does a mean dance when he throws darts.
Pretzels. You know the part of the trail mix that you look at and wonder, "Why are you here?!" Yup. That was guy who works blackjack that I met on New Year's. He was grumpy to many people and then insulted my best friend. To his credit, he was probably just pissed about working New Year's. He sure made up for it the next day, however. He did a lot of shouting in a very uncrowded bar. Completely unnecessary. Much like the pretzels.
But the best stuff happens when all these people collide. The little suspendered old man got not one but TWO lap dances each night he was at the bar. The text sent out to people not fortunate enough to be at the bar read "There is an old man with no teeth getting a lap dance from a lady half his age and twice his size." (See? When nuts and raisins collide!) If that doesn't get on texts from last night, nothing ever will.
I think I need to just stick to popcorn.
The roof...the roof...the roof is on fire! My 21st Birthday (6.30.09)
June 28
5:02 PM--After a long day of grilling, swimming, and drinking, we go back to my apartment to sleep, shower, and get ready for the evening. I don't get to sleep because I have a lot to do still.
6:07 PM--I realize how helpless I am. I text Christa and tell her how much I wish she was here to help me with my hair and makeup. She tells me to suck it up, that's why Tom is there. Tom is passed out on the couch.
6:45 PM--Tom finally wakes up from his stupor and decides he wants to shower. I'm getting impatient. We are supposed to pick up allison by 7:10.
7:03 PM--Tom is still in the shower.
7:06 PM--We pick up allison. Tom decides to call Christa to get upset about the makeup and jewelry story. Upon hearing her voice, he forgets entirely what he is supposed say and ends up asking her random, assinine questions.
7:25 PM--We arrive at BWW's. I am bouncing off walls at this point. Amanda calls me to see if we are there yet and I tell her where we are sitting.
7:28 PM--The waitress gives me a number and tells us that way we can shift around as we please. I wonder how often people just decide to move around.
7:33 PM--Amanda arrives with her crew in tow. This includes Chrissy, Jon, Adam, and...omg it can't be. I cover my mouth and hear someone say, "Whoa, Lindsey, what's wrong?"
7:34 PM--I am on my feet, hugging my best friend. Maybe it's the excitement or maybe it's the alcohol, but I am nearly crying inside a very crowded restaurant. Apparently my entire bus crowd has been in on the surprise for the last month. I was the only one who didn't know Christa was coming.
7:40 PM--I break the number rule and am already sitting across the restaurant by my friends from Theta. I annouce to them I will not be taking shots tonight. I think mixed drinks will be plenty for me. I wave around my Caribbean martini for emphasis.
8:03 PM--Back at my real seat, Christa asks how many drinks I am going to be having so she can make sure I don't drink too much. We agree on 5. I also tell her the no shot rule.
8:06 PM--A shot is delivered in front of me. My friend Leah, who happened to be out with her boyfriend, sent me a shot of Patron. Christa likes tequila but says it would be rude of me to give this away. I take the shot.
8:07 PM--No more alcohol. I pass my martini to Christa, who downs it.
9:15 PM--The bus arrives and the driver has a few ground rules for me. Namely, if someone pukes in my bus, I pay an extra $100. He would like us all to sit down, but if we are dancing or standing while the bus is in motion, we are at our own risk. Naively, I assure him we will be pretty tame.
9:28 PM--Why is the bus moving so fast? He is driving like a mad man...isn't he? Oh good, Amanda thinks he is too. My bacardi peach is tasting good. I spill some on myself, get mad, and pass it to Christa.
9:34 PM--At the Turf. Christa buys me a shot. I tell her I don't want the whole thing. So I take half. She takes one and a half. Hey, this could work. But no more shots.
9:47 PM--Nick from work arrives. He tells me he will buy me a shot. I say no. He says how about half of one?
9:49 PM--Nick is a liar. That was a whole shot. Lindsey is an idiot. She's drunk, not blind.
10:04 PM--Too much alcohol in too little time. I cut myself off from Dempsey's. Kristy sits by me because the girl who is supposed to be watching me is buying me more and more alcohol. Kristy brings me a bowl of popcorn. And quickly becomes my new best friend.
10:42 PM--We decide to walk to the Bismarck. Kristy cautions me that I probably shouldn't have any booze here because it's really strong.
10:44 PM--Christa finds out it's a 2 for 1 deal. She buys me a screwdriver. I drink about half, and pass it to Christa. She and Allison finish it.
10:46 PM--My second drink, an amaretto sour, comes. I just pass it to Christa. We are leaving soon.
10:48 PM--Time to go? Oh good, Christa's done with that amaretto sour. Kristy looks concerned. Why is Kristy concerned? I lead Christa out of the bar. She is sad. She says she should be dragging me around, not the other way around.
Somewhere in the AM--Okay...no more booze. My watchwoman is now drunker than I am. Kristy makes me practice what I am going to tell people when they try to buy me more shots. "Meagen Essen is sober." That's not going to work? Try something else? "Meagen Essen is sober...give it to her."
Ten minutes later--Allison asks me on a scale of 1-10 how drunk I am. I think carefully and then announce 8. Christa scoffs at me. "She's a 5. Which would make me about a 12." Oh boy. Allison buys her and Christa another shot.
Thirty seconds later--Christa has had too much. This time I take the other half of her drop shot. I hear Kristy say, "Oh well" behind me.
Two minutes later--Water. Someone has to have water for me.
One minute later--St. Kristy comes in with a large glass of water and two straws. I down it and pass it to Christa who laughs at me and says I'm weak.
Ten minutes later--We are back at the Empire. It looks scary. Christa, Meagen, Allison and I retreat into the bathroom for a photo shoot (Editor's note: To see photos from said shoot, please visit facebook). Christa and I make a pact to go vandalize Ben's, this guy who was an ass to her, car with saran wrap. Allison says this happened to her before and that it was mildly inconvenient. Perfect. We get mildly emotional when I tell her I almost cried at BWW's. She looks like she's about to cry, and starts to hug me. Then someone walks in. That's enough of that.
Two minutes later--oooo....that's a safari video game. I tell Christa this one's on me. We load our plastic guns and go hunt the great wild...um...wildebeast? Christa chose a wildebeast?
After the video game--Someone hands Christa a bottle of water. She splashes it on everybody. "I made it rain on them ho's." Back on the bus. Lime vodka? Why not. Someone wants me to dance? Of course. I'll be careful.
Two songs into it--Hey...I know Spanish...Meagen knows Spanish...We decide not to talk English anymore. Then we teach Christa how to say bad phrases to some boy she is texting. La pecha del mono. When she asks how to spell the words, I answer in Spanish. That doesn't help her much.
Noticing--Wait a minute. Tom Merkel is passed out cold. That's not gonna work. For the rest of the night, I shout "TOM MERKEL!" as loud as I can whenever I see him passed out. Then I giggle.
Halo--I like this song. I start dancing. Christa starts dancing. We sing to each other a little bit. Then she runs laps around the seats while the bus is in motion. This seems like it might violate those rules from so long ago.
Ben's house--Christa and I want to get out. But we settle for shaking our fists at him and promise we are going to come back with supplies in tow as soon as someone takes us home.
Winding down--Who would appreciate a text from me...umm...HAYLEE! so i text "i love you" to her. Yup. That should do it.
2:30 AM--The bus takes us home. We wake up Tom. I'm still feeling quite amazing. As is Christa. Who starts tearing up as we walk into the apartment. Welcome home.
2:48 AM--Christa and I are sprawled on the kitchen floor and decide it might be fun to have a photo shoot. We do so. Then Troy goes to bed. I want to sleep by Christa.
After peeing--So where's Christa? Not in her bed, my bed or the living room. I just came from the bathroom. But maybe...?
Finding Christa--There she is, laying in her closet. I grab my things and lay beside her. I give her a blanket, which she calls a "comfy-fluffy." We giggle and talk about the night. We are sorry we didn't get to saran wrap the car, but all in all, it was successful. She says she can't believe I ever thought she would miss my birthday.
4:55 AM--I don't feel well. My stomach is a little gross. I'm a little scared that I'm going to be sick. Christa is asleep next to me. I am about 5 seconds away from waking her up...I am convinced that I need her. But I decide to relax and end up falling asleep.
10:04 AM--Good morning. I sit up. I have a headache like it's nobody's business. Time to start the hydration. Eventually I text Haylee for her expert advice. Greasy food definitely was the right decision.
What a night. Whew.
5:02 PM--After a long day of grilling, swimming, and drinking, we go back to my apartment to sleep, shower, and get ready for the evening. I don't get to sleep because I have a lot to do still.
6:07 PM--I realize how helpless I am. I text Christa and tell her how much I wish she was here to help me with my hair and makeup. She tells me to suck it up, that's why Tom is there. Tom is passed out on the couch.
6:45 PM--Tom finally wakes up from his stupor and decides he wants to shower. I'm getting impatient. We are supposed to pick up allison by 7:10.
7:03 PM--Tom is still in the shower.
7:06 PM--We pick up allison. Tom decides to call Christa to get upset about the makeup and jewelry story. Upon hearing her voice, he forgets entirely what he is supposed say and ends up asking her random, assinine questions.
7:25 PM--We arrive at BWW's. I am bouncing off walls at this point. Amanda calls me to see if we are there yet and I tell her where we are sitting.
7:28 PM--The waitress gives me a number and tells us that way we can shift around as we please. I wonder how often people just decide to move around.
7:33 PM--Amanda arrives with her crew in tow. This includes Chrissy, Jon, Adam, and...omg it can't be. I cover my mouth and hear someone say, "Whoa, Lindsey, what's wrong?"
7:34 PM--I am on my feet, hugging my best friend. Maybe it's the excitement or maybe it's the alcohol, but I am nearly crying inside a very crowded restaurant. Apparently my entire bus crowd has been in on the surprise for the last month. I was the only one who didn't know Christa was coming.
7:40 PM--I break the number rule and am already sitting across the restaurant by my friends from Theta. I annouce to them I will not be taking shots tonight. I think mixed drinks will be plenty for me. I wave around my Caribbean martini for emphasis.
8:03 PM--Back at my real seat, Christa asks how many drinks I am going to be having so she can make sure I don't drink too much. We agree on 5. I also tell her the no shot rule.
8:06 PM--A shot is delivered in front of me. My friend Leah, who happened to be out with her boyfriend, sent me a shot of Patron. Christa likes tequila but says it would be rude of me to give this away. I take the shot.
8:07 PM--No more alcohol. I pass my martini to Christa, who downs it.
9:15 PM--The bus arrives and the driver has a few ground rules for me. Namely, if someone pukes in my bus, I pay an extra $100. He would like us all to sit down, but if we are dancing or standing while the bus is in motion, we are at our own risk. Naively, I assure him we will be pretty tame.
9:28 PM--Why is the bus moving so fast? He is driving like a mad man...isn't he? Oh good, Amanda thinks he is too. My bacardi peach is tasting good. I spill some on myself, get mad, and pass it to Christa.
9:34 PM--At the Turf. Christa buys me a shot. I tell her I don't want the whole thing. So I take half. She takes one and a half. Hey, this could work. But no more shots.
9:47 PM--Nick from work arrives. He tells me he will buy me a shot. I say no. He says how about half of one?
9:49 PM--Nick is a liar. That was a whole shot. Lindsey is an idiot. She's drunk, not blind.
10:04 PM--Too much alcohol in too little time. I cut myself off from Dempsey's. Kristy sits by me because the girl who is supposed to be watching me is buying me more and more alcohol. Kristy brings me a bowl of popcorn. And quickly becomes my new best friend.
10:42 PM--We decide to walk to the Bismarck. Kristy cautions me that I probably shouldn't have any booze here because it's really strong.
10:44 PM--Christa finds out it's a 2 for 1 deal. She buys me a screwdriver. I drink about half, and pass it to Christa. She and Allison finish it.
10:46 PM--My second drink, an amaretto sour, comes. I just pass it to Christa. We are leaving soon.
10:48 PM--Time to go? Oh good, Christa's done with that amaretto sour. Kristy looks concerned. Why is Kristy concerned? I lead Christa out of the bar. She is sad. She says she should be dragging me around, not the other way around.
Somewhere in the AM--Okay...no more booze. My watchwoman is now drunker than I am. Kristy makes me practice what I am going to tell people when they try to buy me more shots. "Meagen Essen is sober." That's not going to work? Try something else? "Meagen Essen is sober...give it to her."
Ten minutes later--Allison asks me on a scale of 1-10 how drunk I am. I think carefully and then announce 8. Christa scoffs at me. "She's a 5. Which would make me about a 12." Oh boy. Allison buys her and Christa another shot.
Thirty seconds later--Christa has had too much. This time I take the other half of her drop shot. I hear Kristy say, "Oh well" behind me.
Two minutes later--Water. Someone has to have water for me.
One minute later--St. Kristy comes in with a large glass of water and two straws. I down it and pass it to Christa who laughs at me and says I'm weak.
Ten minutes later--We are back at the Empire. It looks scary. Christa, Meagen, Allison and I retreat into the bathroom for a photo shoot (Editor's note: To see photos from said shoot, please visit facebook). Christa and I make a pact to go vandalize Ben's, this guy who was an ass to her, car with saran wrap. Allison says this happened to her before and that it was mildly inconvenient. Perfect. We get mildly emotional when I tell her I almost cried at BWW's. She looks like she's about to cry, and starts to hug me. Then someone walks in. That's enough of that.
Two minutes later--oooo....that's a safari video game. I tell Christa this one's on me. We load our plastic guns and go hunt the great wild...um...wildebeast? Christa chose a wildebeast?
After the video game--Someone hands Christa a bottle of water. She splashes it on everybody. "I made it rain on them ho's." Back on the bus. Lime vodka? Why not. Someone wants me to dance? Of course. I'll be careful.
Two songs into it--Hey...I know Spanish...Meagen knows Spanish...We decide not to talk English anymore. Then we teach Christa how to say bad phrases to some boy she is texting. La pecha del mono. When she asks how to spell the words, I answer in Spanish. That doesn't help her much.
Noticing--Wait a minute. Tom Merkel is passed out cold. That's not gonna work. For the rest of the night, I shout "TOM MERKEL!" as loud as I can whenever I see him passed out. Then I giggle.
Halo--I like this song. I start dancing. Christa starts dancing. We sing to each other a little bit. Then she runs laps around the seats while the bus is in motion. This seems like it might violate those rules from so long ago.
Ben's house--Christa and I want to get out. But we settle for shaking our fists at him and promise we are going to come back with supplies in tow as soon as someone takes us home.
Winding down--Who would appreciate a text from me...umm...HAYLEE! so i text "i love you" to her. Yup. That should do it.
2:30 AM--The bus takes us home. We wake up Tom. I'm still feeling quite amazing. As is Christa. Who starts tearing up as we walk into the apartment. Welcome home.
2:48 AM--Christa and I are sprawled on the kitchen floor and decide it might be fun to have a photo shoot. We do so. Then Troy goes to bed. I want to sleep by Christa.
After peeing--So where's Christa? Not in her bed, my bed or the living room. I just came from the bathroom. But maybe...?
Finding Christa--There she is, laying in her closet. I grab my things and lay beside her. I give her a blanket, which she calls a "comfy-fluffy." We giggle and talk about the night. We are sorry we didn't get to saran wrap the car, but all in all, it was successful. She says she can't believe I ever thought she would miss my birthday.
4:55 AM--I don't feel well. My stomach is a little gross. I'm a little scared that I'm going to be sick. Christa is asleep next to me. I am about 5 seconds away from waking her up...I am convinced that I need her. But I decide to relax and end up falling asleep.
10:04 AM--Good morning. I sit up. I have a headache like it's nobody's business. Time to start the hydration. Eventually I text Haylee for her expert advice. Greasy food definitely was the right decision.
What a night. Whew.
The Big Countdown: My 21st Birthday (6.30.09)
Well ladies and gentlemen, Amanda and I have finally turned 21. And you are about to get a treat. I have never written a blog from events that occured while I was drunk. Usually I leave those to others. But since it was my birthday, and since it was a blast, I think it would be okay. It also is getting two written blogs. So sit back and enjoy. And get excited, because I can now go out with you.
June 27
1:00PM--Chrissy and I go shopping. I have decided my birthday jeans are not going to work, and she needs a swimsuit. We then had some lunch. I found out that the two Sarahs are coming to surprise Amanda. I tell her how I love birthday surprises but that I have never been surprised. I am just that good.
5:30PM--Troy and Tom arrive. Tom buys bullets at Scheel's and makes a large point to tell me that you have to be 21 to own these bullets and so I should sit back and take notes. Tom does not get carded. Tom finds out you only have to be 18.
6:30PM--We get to the Olive Garden. Troy and Tom make a big deal out of trying the wine and getting alcoholic drinks. When the waiter is gone, I'm drinking out of them anyways. Oh well.
6:45PM--I start choking on a pepper in the salad. It was stuck just right and I couldn't breathe. I look at Troy for help and he giggles and goes, "I never took CPR." I think this is the last thing I am about to hear.
6:46PM--I can breathe again. No thanks to Troy. Or Tom, who is apparently a lifeguard.
8:12PM--We arrive at Happy Harry's Bottle Shop. Troy and Tom pick up drinks for everyone. Including me. What the hell. It's my birthday.
10:20 PM--After two Bacardi Peach drinks, I stand up. It feels funny. Oh fabulous.
11:10 PM--I want to learn Thriller for my party bus. Because, you know, everyone is going to be way impressed. However, I settle for waving my arms around to Michael Jackson's Free Willy song.
11:59 PM--What the hell. Let's do a shot of blackberry brandy.
June 28
12:05 AM--I'm shouting. Why am I shouting? Isn't Amanda's roommate sleeping?
12:16 AM--I don't understand why everyone is laughing at everything I'm saying. I am not usually this funny. I beg Troy, who probably has had more than me at this point, to drive me home.
12:17 AM--Troy walks me back inside and tells me we haven't even eaten breakfast yet. Whatever I said was met with giggles again.
12:29 AM--We notice the cops drive by. Amanda and I are afraid of getting minors. We go hide in the back bedroom. The boys laugh at us again.
1:06 AM--Jon calls Christa. He rubs it in a little that she isn't here. She calls me my mother. I grab Jon's cell phone and try to hang it up.
1:07 AM--I can't figure out what button it is. I hand the phone back. Christa makes fun of me for not being able to figure out the phone. I take it away again and want to throw it.
1:08 AM--Troy calls me Christa. I hand the phone back and pout.
2:30 AM--We go to IHOP for breakfast. There are two cops giving sobriety tests outside. Great.
2:35 AM--Our waitress tells us how much she hates cops since she got 6 DUIs, two within one month. I'm not entirely certain she is sober right now.
2:47AM--Jon orders a pork steak. None of us know what that is, including our waitress. He does not get to live this down.
3:30AM--We head back to my house. Tom crashes on the couch and Troy decides to take a shower. I go to bed, because it's going to be a long day.
3:36AM--Troy gets outta the shower and so I go sit on his bed. We decide to talk for a few minutes.
5:01 AM--The sun is coming up. Tom is snoring. It's really time for bed.
June 27
1:00PM--Chrissy and I go shopping. I have decided my birthday jeans are not going to work, and she needs a swimsuit. We then had some lunch. I found out that the two Sarahs are coming to surprise Amanda. I tell her how I love birthday surprises but that I have never been surprised. I am just that good.
5:30PM--Troy and Tom arrive. Tom buys bullets at Scheel's and makes a large point to tell me that you have to be 21 to own these bullets and so I should sit back and take notes. Tom does not get carded. Tom finds out you only have to be 18.
6:30PM--We get to the Olive Garden. Troy and Tom make a big deal out of trying the wine and getting alcoholic drinks. When the waiter is gone, I'm drinking out of them anyways. Oh well.
6:45PM--I start choking on a pepper in the salad. It was stuck just right and I couldn't breathe. I look at Troy for help and he giggles and goes, "I never took CPR." I think this is the last thing I am about to hear.
6:46PM--I can breathe again. No thanks to Troy. Or Tom, who is apparently a lifeguard.
8:12PM--We arrive at Happy Harry's Bottle Shop. Troy and Tom pick up drinks for everyone. Including me. What the hell. It's my birthday.
10:20 PM--After two Bacardi Peach drinks, I stand up. It feels funny. Oh fabulous.
11:10 PM--I want to learn Thriller for my party bus. Because, you know, everyone is going to be way impressed. However, I settle for waving my arms around to Michael Jackson's Free Willy song.
11:59 PM--What the hell. Let's do a shot of blackberry brandy.
June 28
12:05 AM--I'm shouting. Why am I shouting? Isn't Amanda's roommate sleeping?
12:16 AM--I don't understand why everyone is laughing at everything I'm saying. I am not usually this funny. I beg Troy, who probably has had more than me at this point, to drive me home.
12:17 AM--Troy walks me back inside and tells me we haven't even eaten breakfast yet. Whatever I said was met with giggles again.
12:29 AM--We notice the cops drive by. Amanda and I are afraid of getting minors. We go hide in the back bedroom. The boys laugh at us again.
1:06 AM--Jon calls Christa. He rubs it in a little that she isn't here. She calls me my mother. I grab Jon's cell phone and try to hang it up.
1:07 AM--I can't figure out what button it is. I hand the phone back. Christa makes fun of me for not being able to figure out the phone. I take it away again and want to throw it.
1:08 AM--Troy calls me Christa. I hand the phone back and pout.
2:30 AM--We go to IHOP for breakfast. There are two cops giving sobriety tests outside. Great.
2:35 AM--Our waitress tells us how much she hates cops since she got 6 DUIs, two within one month. I'm not entirely certain she is sober right now.
2:47AM--Jon orders a pork steak. None of us know what that is, including our waitress. He does not get to live this down.
3:30AM--We head back to my house. Tom crashes on the couch and Troy decides to take a shower. I go to bed, because it's going to be a long day.
3:36AM--Troy gets outta the shower and so I go sit on his bed. We decide to talk for a few minutes.
5:01 AM--The sun is coming up. Tom is snoring. It's really time for bed.
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